Monday, October 22, 2012

SO and I had our first argument about gfgs.

Well actually it was pretty much our first argument ever. In the eight months we have been dating, we have never fought. Until now. On Friday night the kids went to their dad's for the weekend. My boyfriend texted me and asked me why I never invite him over when the kids are with me on the weekends. To tell the truth, none of my previous boyfriend never showed any interest in my children before, so I really never thought about it. I did, however, invite him to my son's birthday party last Saturday, which I reminded him. This led into a discussion about gfgs and how disrespectful they are to me. According to him, gfg1 called me dumb and stupid in front of everybody at the birthday party. I seriously don't recall it at all whatsoever. If I would have heard her say such a thing, I would have corrected her.

SO insists I heard her and did absolutely nothing to stop her. He says my mom is the one who spoke up and told my daughter to show me some respect. I don't recall that ever happening either! I swear to you I really don't. I may have been spacing out (I can get a little bit spacey sometimes) or maybe I was busy talking to someone else. Anyway, he then told me that my kids walk all over me, never show me any respect, act out, and basically it's all my fault for them being the way they are. I took serious offense at his accusations. My kids may get disrespectful every now and then (TT behavior, in my opinion) and when they do, I get on their case about it. My kids do have consequences. He has no idea what goes on in my house because he isn't there 99% of the time. He even accused the kids of listening to my mom better than they do me.

When he came over a few weeks ago to have pizza and watch movies with us, my kids were very well behaved. I have no idea what he's talking about when he says they walk all over me. He inists that I spoil my kids and they always get their own way. How does he know this? I asked him to cite me some examples. He couldn't give me any. I reminded me that my kids have disabities and may act out more than the norm, but he has never raised a gfg so telling me how to raise mine is unfair. His son never grew up with him, and to this day they are not close at all whatsoever. He has no right to talk. He ended up saying he was "apparently out of line" and he was choosing to walk away from the converstation.

I decided to forget about it and drop it because the argument was getting us nowhere. I am still really resentful for his accusations. This is why I've been single for so long. Almost seven years to be exact. I don't want any man telling me how to raise my kids. He wants to spend more time with them, but now I'm worried that if they ever do act out, or say something out of line, he's gonna blame me. Now I'm reluctant to invite him over when the kids are with me. I feel like we are taking one huge step backward instead of forward. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. He really hit a sore spot with my gfgs. Am I overreacting? Should I hear him out and accept his criticism? Cause right now I feel like he's over stepping his boundaries, but maybe it's normal in this stage of a relationship. He has been my longest relationship since my kids' dad and I broke up seven years ago, so I really don't know.

Source: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f10/so-i-had-our-first-argument-about-difficult-children-50873/

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